Beck uses ladybugs to vent frustrations

On Tuesday October 20th (or the week of),  Glenn Beck was talking about the recent media allegations concerning Rush Limbaugh and the supposed things Rush said. Glenn the talked about things the media might say about him and suggested there be a contest for things said about Glenn. Here is my satirical entry. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Breaking news (Front Page)

An insider has just informed major news groups about "Conservative" radio talk show host Glenn Becks obsessive abuse of ladybugs.  "Glenn has an unstable mental attitude towards politicians and news organizations.  Glenn orders ladybugs by the crate and  uses the cute little garden dwellers to vent the frustration he feels." says the insider who wished to remain nameless for fear of "the wrath of Beck" on radio or TV.
The various news outlets were all given  a photo copy of several invoices where upon inspection revealed a very horrible truth. Beginning after the 2009 inauguration of President Obama, Beck ordered not one but 5 cases of ladybugs,  (remember how cute they are), delivered to his home. Sometime mid-summer Beck started to have cases delivered to his office.
"I was there when Glenn first started the bug squashing.   He had a room constructed in a corner of the basement with two sets of doors (to keep the (cute) bugs inside, they were "free roam" for more "sport". Glenn is the only one with the key. After spending an easy day "lying" to the public, he would go to his "thinking place", get a leather mallet and go to town. He likes to imagine the face of politicians or news papers he doesn't like on each ladybug and squish it as hard as he can. I can assure you that the walls are no longer white".
When Glenn started to have the ladybugs delivered to his office he did not even try to hid them. He would bring them into the studio and release them one at a time. He would go through several bugs during particularly loud rants or "bad callers".
"During a long commercial break Glenn turned to his producer and said "This is fun...You want to try?"
Is Beck finally losing his mind? How long until he brings the ladybugs to his TV show? Only time will tell but this looks like the end for "The Glenn Beck show"

By Jason RowLee

Newark Ohio

Economic downturn affects crooks too.

This is a short piece, (made up), I thought was a fun twist on the economic situation of today.

In a recent undercover study of criminal activity I found a surprising twist to the workings of crooks. It all started with a curious question… What are criminals facing during this “Financial Crisis”? Disguised as a local cat burglar on holiday I went to the underground for criminal doings. I started with a few easy questions like “Are you enjoying this fine fall weather”?, “Good halls this year, huh”?, “What are your plans for the weekend”? These questions were met with the kind of gruff responses you would expect from a group of people that are as secretive as they are law abiding.

I then got to the real questions. I found a real talkative fellow who was willing to take my questions. He asked me to call him Bugsy (he revealed to me that he was a big fan of the thugs from the Looney Tunes cartoons).

Me: What is your line of “work” in the underground world of criminology?

Bugsy: I am a professional pick pocket.

Me: How exciting. How long have you been a pick pocket?

Bugsy: Oh I dunno … I’d say about 15 to 18 years give or take 2-3. See I started out as an apprentice to jewel thief. Didn’t care for that so much… to much planning and watching and studying blue prints and stuff. I just wanted something I could go out side and get accomplished, something easy.

Me: How has the pick pocket business been?

Bugsy: Well when I first started things were pretty easy, I could pick any pocket I wanted and get something of value; wallets, check books, credit cards,the occasional cell phone, IPod, or PDA. Those were good times!

Me: And now that there is an economic down turn?

Bugsy: It's not as easy as it once was. Now I have to be on the look out for my next target. You know watch what people are doing, were they are going, were they have been. It takes more planning and preparation before I can successfully pick someone's pocket.

Me: What do you mean by "successfully"?

Bugsy: People are carrying less and less money than they used to. They also hold their gadgets in tighter pockets, so it's not that easy any more.

Me: What are you going to do for the future, Bugsy?

Bugsy: I was thinking it might be easier to switch to something like “Identity Theft”. That’s were the real money is nowadays.

I left Bugsy after our interview with a new perspective… It seems it is not just the lower to middle class that are suffering.

By Jason Rowlee

Magic

This is an older post from another blog. I thought it would have more relevance here.

Magic is one of those words that brings to mind Grandeur and Spectacle, Wonder and Amazement,and sometimes weird and stunning. For me it has always been wonder and amazement, “How’d they do that”… “Wow”… and “Impossible”. I would watch with wonder as David Copper field walked through the Great Wall of China on live TV, in amazement at Penn and Teller doing their Cement Mixer of Death, Lance Burton as he performed dove magic, and Jeff McBride with his card routines. It always struck me how utterly impossible it was to do those things with seemingly everyday things; doves, cards,walls, and even cement mixers.

Now fast forward to 2009. I have always wanted to learn ‘Magic Tricks”, “Illusions” and the like, so I decided to use the power at my finger tips, ( of course I mean the Internet),to learn more about how to do ”magic”. I started by watching famous performers, then researching how the trick was done. Some secrets are still secrets to me but through my research I have found….( No secrets from me) how to manipulate cards through sleight of hand movements. Now this sort of magic depends on tricking the eye more than having a gimmick object ready to spring something from nowhere. This may sound simple,and at first sounded to me like all I had to do was “Learn how and I could do it in no time at all”… Not that simple, first I had to understand how the trick was done, then I had to learn how to hold my hands in regard to the object being used. I had to learn the various movements and finally practice,practice, practice, practice….I am still not done practicing.

My children can’t help but see what Daddy is learning. I talked to my oldest and explained to her that it takes long hours of practice and sore muscles to be able to perform a “trick”correctly,( my forearms are still sore from new ways of moving).I shared with her that it would be rude to tell a friend, “I know how you did that” or “that's easy”or “I can do that too”… especially in front of a crowd. Always remember that they have practiced a very long time!!

The art of illusion and misdirection is not inherently bad, it is an entertaining skill that has to be learned, honed, and practiced.

Introductin to Jason's Mind

Please understand that i have the mind of a whirl wind. I can easily flit from one thought to another while not getting to indepth with any one thing. I have been like this through out my life. Hence forth this new experiment!! I need an outlet for all my random thoughts and ideas.

Don't expect long posts, frequent posts, accurate or detailed accounts of things or in fact any such posts at all... What I hope you can excpect is a good laugh every now and then, (because you know to much of anything is to much).

The bottom line is that this blog will be like a Pensive, (I know, I know that is a Harry Potter reference but I like Harry Potter), a place where I can throw my thoughts and ideas against the wall and look at them, change them and hopefully make them better.